MOTHERS AND DAUGHTERS
For me, Mother’s Day has often been a day to be endured. My first husband rarely honored me as the mother of our three children. He ranted about how the day was created by card manufacturers. My mother and my father’s mother lived into their nineties and my mother’s mother into her eighties. I always sent them cards and/or gifts on special days. During that time, I also compared my behavior as a mother with how the older women above me had filled their mother roles. This gave me a multi-generation perspective and showed me that no mother is “perfect.” Once I became a mother, I gained tremendous respect for my own mother and my grandmothers! I’d had no idea how hard they worked! All three had also gotten some form of advanced education after high school and encouraged me to continue learning and to use my education to work outside the home. I also watched all of them fight for respect from the men in their lives and I knew that all three had given up their own careers to promote their husband’s career. My father was a physician; my grandfather Palmer, an engineer boss in the Chicago steel mills, and my grandfather Glenn was an undertaker and furniture maker in a small town in central Illinois.
So I watched three talented women tamp down their own careers—as a journalist, a teacher, a secretary to serve their family as cook, housekeeper, baker, primary childcare adult and gardener. Living with my mother who was brilliant and talented and highly creative, we often felt the brunt of her anger. She’d held good jobs in Chicago before the war but now she was expected to remain at home. She threw her frustration into volunteer work and once, when the YWCA in Decatur (IL) needed to add a pool, she raised the funding. My brother and I were teenagers then and Dad was too busy to do much to assist Mom with our care, so she quit after the pool was funded. About ten years later, she was elected to serve two terms on the Decatur School Board.
At the same time, I watched my father’s sister, Aunt Charlotte who never married and immersed herself teaching music to children in rural areas. She played piano, organ and violin, earned a master’s degree and seemed very happy.
Women today continue to fight what some call “the kitchen wars” in a seemingly endless struggle for the freedom to be who they are, not just wife, mother, cook or cleaner and baker. These are all fine roles to play but too often obliterate the woman’s own talents and abilities in favor of promoting others. I was excited when so many women came forward in the last election to take their places in Congress, and bravo to those willing to run for president!
I have changed how I respond to Mother’s Day. I welcome this time of year. My yard explodes in colorful rhododendron blossoms—yellow, red, pink froth, deep purple and lilac. I choose to celebrate and cherish my relationship with my two beloved and incredible daughters who live in their own homes as sovereign beings (no debt). Like most of us in the family, both are avid readers. My older daughter is an accomplished author of children’s books, several romance series and a memoir about her work with young adults in prison, Kids in Orange. See a complete listing of her books at amazon.com—author Mindy Hardwick. She has both a teaching degree and an MFA in writing for children from Vermont College. This year, she’s been using both.
My younger daughter Becca, also a college graduate, creates a career for herself by doing oral histories, transcription and various website adventures. She also helps with my website and recently joined me on a trip to Orcas Island to promote my book.
In Rich’s family, I have always admired the mothering skills of his daughter Michelle Jacquin, also a teacher who holds a master’s degree, as well as his daughter-in-law, JoAnn Lampe, a culinary expert.
Special kudos to two young people who “adopted” me as an extra mother. They are Michael Deer of Seattle and Martha Preston of Olympia. Hugs to all of these young people—so proud of them!
Then there are my Book Children—the books I’ve written. In the past year I’ve been asked to republish The Butterfly ChaSu. Suddenly, that book itself made a definite statement!
Mindy, who lives in Portland, OR frequently walks with her black cocker spaniel. One afternoon, they came across a book cupboard that offered free used books.
Mindy saw a book she recognized. Could it really be what she thought?
She moved closer and identified the book as one she knew well—The Butterfly ChaSu. I wrote that book in 1997! What was it doing in Portland in 2019! Mindy removed it from the free book cupboard and walked on. Then she stopped. She already had a copy of this book. Why take this one? Someone else might need to find it!
I do plan to republish ChaSu this year. The book carries a message about freedom and how men and women affect one another. The book’s beautiful illustrations were created by a high school friend, Karen Murley Clarkson. We plan to keep those illustrations in the new edition.
MORE NEWS
Thanks to Mike Lampe for featuring my book in a display at Cardinal Ritter College Prep High School’s Library where he works as an educator in St. Louis, Missouri. (see photo below)
Thanks also to Rich Lampe who recently sold books for me at Alderbrook Resort and Spa after my aqua yoga class there.
Thanks to The Cameo Boutique Shop in Union, WA for carrying my books through Mother’s Day.
On June 11, I will be speaking to The Orcas Island Library, Eastsound, WA
